proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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