She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
