smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
40s are totally the cure
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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