Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
