Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
