my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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