so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
