if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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