you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
