bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
tequila makes me forget i have legs
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
