I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
