Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
