i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
