when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
