I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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