After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
