he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
