it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
