I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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