he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
