Welp...herpes.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
