there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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