hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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