i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
