At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize