i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
