It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I could fuck to npr.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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