I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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