Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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