Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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