i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
