i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
