Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
