apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
