Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
