You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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