if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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