So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
