I think I just saw someone hide a body.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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