Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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