I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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