I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just had sex bonerless
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
