YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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