Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
