Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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