I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
