i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
