After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
