I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No subtext here. People are naked.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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