five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
