batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
