Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
