You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
