Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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