My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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