my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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