i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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