I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
So. Much. Porn.
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