yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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