I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
