At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
