Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i would punch a child for taco bell
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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