It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
