I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she smelled like a LAN party
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Randomize
