if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
