Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
