you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
