why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
