Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.

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(251): View more from Alabama

She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.

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(516): View more from New York

Man, jail baloney is awful.

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(530): View more from California

The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?

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(770): View more from Georgia

How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?

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(518): View more from New York

Why does your place smell like gin and misery?

(1-518): View more from New York

I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?

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