I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
