i just wanna soil my oats bro
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
No subtext here. People are naked.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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