thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
