hotel room ftw
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize