I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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