I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
