no, he came in my armpit
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
