im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
as a side note pls kill me
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
