You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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