I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
