I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize