My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
