Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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