Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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