So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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