I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
