Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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