"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
