the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Too much gin, very little bucket
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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