can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
