She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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