Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
