Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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