are you still at the devil's house?
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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