And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Randomize
