in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
