Tell her she can't have a vagina
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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